As you may have read, we miscarried in January of 2019. It was a tough experience and the outpour of support we received from our community was unexpected. I wanted to share our experience for a few reasons:
- To destigmatize miscarriage and the shame that comes with it sometimes
- Release it to the universe so that I could move on
- To help others who were struggling with fertility know that they weren’t alone.
When we miscarried, I was eight weeks pregnant. So this time around, the anxiety and stress were taking over me. I remember laying in bed the night before our eight-week ultrasound thinking-I’m ready, please God let this be ok. Right before the tech started the ultrasound, I told her how nervous I was because of our miscarriage. As soon as she saw the heart beating strong she showed me the screen to calm my nerves and continued doing her work. I was in tears and couldn’t wait to tell my husband the good news!
Although I was relieved, I couldn’t share it online yet. I told some family and close friends and kept my mouth shut (this is so hard for me).
I am currently 14 weeks pregnant (second-trimester woohoo) and wanted to share the news with all of our family, friends and my community online.
I was researching all the new ways expectant parents posted about their pregnancy and wanted our son Ares (five years old) to be apart of it. While doing so, my husband said- “Are you sure we shouldn’t wait, to make sure the baby is healthy?” Most people post the day they get into their second trimester and I was already past that. This wasn’t something I had considered as we made it past our eight-week point when we lost our other pregnancy. But it got me thinking… what if there is something wrong after I post it online? What if the baby stops developing and I miscarry again? All the thoughts of fear were starting to creep in my head and I quickly shut it down.
Last week I heard my baby’s heartbeat and it was so amazing! Seeing it on ultrasound has helped to calm my nerves about something going wrong, but hearing it was a totally different experience. I now feel more secure in my pregnancy and hopeful for the next months!
I can’t live my life worrying about the future and I have no control if something happens to this pregnancy. I will be as healthy as I can and love this little baby inside my womb as much as I can.